2 Responses to “Like a Virgin: How Society Invented Virginity and Vilifies Sex”

  1. I agree with and understand what you are saying. In many, maybe most, cultures women loosing their virginity has been frowned upon and we can likely guess that the consequential pregnancies fueled the flames to side with protecting virginity.

    But I also want to point out that psychologist have told us that the act of having sex is a bigger emotional commitment for the woman than the man. Part of the reason we historically value virginity might be to protect the girl from emotional upset. The fact that sex is a bigger commitment for the girl than the boy can make the first time a very big deal.

    My advice for my teenage son and teenage daughter is this: if you are in a relationship and want to have sex you are not ready until the guy in this relationship can take care of the girls emotional needs.(period)
    Thus the guy has to be very mature and that way they can avoid a lot of messy emotional baggage.

    I didn’t make up that sex is a bigger emotional commitment for the girl than the guy, I read it in “Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind” by Dr. Michael Bradley. He describes a teenage girl he treated (in therapy that is) who was having sex when she really wasn’t interested. This poor misguided girl was unhappily doing ecstasy to tolerate taking part in orgies with her peer group. Here is an example where sexually active females are accepted but this one felt pressure to have sex she didn’t want. I guess I want to say that take away societies concept of “value your virginity” and in some cases you have the opposite.

    So yes, the old fashioned notion to value your virginity, taught the old, nasty, passive aggressive way through negative attitude toward girls who don’t “save” themselves for marriage is a big turn off in today’s world, but, there’s the fact that sex is a bigger emotional commitment for the girl and that should not be forgotten. I would never vilify non-virgins and at the same time I like to see thoughtfulness around women’s emotional needs. Wouldn’t that raise up the quality of relationships?

  2. […] 3. Like a Virgin: How Society Invented Virginity and Vilifies Sex […]

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