If Male Sexuality Was Treated Like Women’s Sexuality….

…then this would be the story:


Yesterday, the FDA announced a controversial move to make condoms available over-the-counter, without age restrictions.  Previously, the contraceptive devices needed to requested of a pharmacist with ID shown to prove the man was at least 17.  Parents are frustrated and concerned by this change in FDA regulations.

The FDA claims that there is “no medical need to restrict the use of condoms to those over 17.  The pose no health threat to younger men,” according to an agency spokesperson.  “In fact,” she went on, “the only real concern is that young men may not use the condoms correctly, but there’s no direct medical harm to this, only a greater chance of condom failure, and it can be pretty easily rectified–they’re not that hard to use.”

But not everyone is on board with this change.

“This is an assault on family values,” says Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX).  “Parents should have the right to know if their sons are trying to access condoms.  If they don’t have to be present for the purchase anymore, they lose the ability to know what it is their kids are doing.”

“I don’t want my son having sex!” comments enraged New Jersey mother Sheila Weber.  “If he has condoms, he’ll think that it’s okay!”

Mrs. Weber isn’t alone.  Family groups across the country are speaking out against the proposed changes.  Some have even started petitions urging the administration to block the FDA’s decision.  In the past, the Dept. of Health and Human Services has blocked similar attempts to increase access to condoms for younger men.

The administration, however, says it stands with the FDA.  “It’s time for us to start deferring to science when we create our policies,” said President Obama at a press conference yesterday.  “And the science indicates that condoms are safe for younger men.”

“It’s just downright irresponsible,” according to Mark Sanford (R-SC).  “America has got to start teaching personal responsibility, and our young people need to learn that the responsible thing is to wait.  Policies like this just encourage reckless behavior.  What’s next?  We’ll start promoting pornography?  This policy is simply unacceptable.”

Men’s rights groups have pointed out that women are able to receive birth control at all ages, albeit with a prescription, but doctors and parents alike seem at ease with this.  “There are lots of good reason for a girl to be on birth control,” according to Suzy Young, the director of Mothers for Better Families.  “Millions of women are on birth control for non-contraceptive purposes, like treating cists or regulating their periods.  There’s nothing scary about that.  But the same simply isn’t true of condoms.  Those are a whole other ball game-~-it makes perfect sense that parents are upset.”

But many liberal groups are delighted by the proposed changes.

“Making it harder to get condoms doesn’t prevent kids from having sex, it just prevents them from having safe sex,” says Dr. Lindsay Weir.  “Putting them over the counter just means that teenage boys will finally be able to make smart decisions about their own health.  This won’t encourage more guys to have sex, but it will help prevent them from getting their girlfriends pregnant-~-it can only be a good thing.”

*Note: all quotes in this piece are fictional and are accordingly attributed fictitiously.


~ by Randi Saunders on May 31, 2013.

3 Responses to “If Male Sexuality Was Treated Like Women’s Sexuality….”

  1. Been reading The Onion, have we? 🙂
    Point taken.

  2. Here’s an interesting article for you;

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